Txt
Is there a big difference between being on set and being on stage playing?Acting has been a difficult experience for me, from different points of view. A real job - waking up early, spending hours on the set, starting again the next day - which with music has never been like that, even on tour. Then my character, in some ways, he was so similar to me - his melancholy, his confusion, his sadness - that sometimes I did not know if it was him going on stage with his weaknesses, or me, with mine. But it was a great experience to have been immersed in. A real job. Everyday boundaries and rules. Things that I have much need for.
Why?
Too much freedom hurts me, I get hurt. For too long I was left alone with my tools: the guitar, the books, the brush.
And now that the film is no more, what happened to that discipline?
The rules are not there any more, for the umpteenth time. And I can once again be more whimsical, and have the upper hand and that's dangerous. I need to stay in places with rules. It's strange, but a place like this, and the state prison (he was jailed three times for drug offenses, editor), which certainly was a violent and boring place, but it was useful.
And out from prison, what are some places with rules?
Love stories. Those that make me want to be a better person. But just as with prison, even love does not last forever.
Why have you have moved to Paris?
I have a bad relationship with the British press. They have decided that I am a junkie and represent me that way, anyway. If I go somewhere and I'm sober, however, they will publish a photo in which I make a terrible face and look like I am. It is difficult and depressing to see yourself like that. Your flaws, your mistakes always there. In our culture, where the ambition is always towards perfection, everything is even more striking. Here in Paris my life is better.
Does staying away from a certain speed of life benefit you?
No, actually I'm the worst enemy of myself and to be alone, away from friends is not good for me
You speak very openly about your drug addiction. At what point is it?
It is a battle. Anyone who has had an addiction in life, no matter how long it has been around, he will be always on the battlefield, at least in the back of his head. Because the truth is that most people think that someone takes drug because, simply, he likes it. And it is difficult to distance yourself from this feeling, despite all the suffering that the drug brings with it. And when you no longer have the physical addiction you think I can start over in a different way, manage myself. It is a dangerous time, that I am in. A part of me feels the temptation, the other part knows that it's a lie. To be drugged is this: to feel better, get out of it - and then hide. It is a struggle that never ends. I now know that I must get clean.
Why?
Simply to survive. So I don't die. I do not and it has been clear to me at this time. But I cannot do it alone, I have to go into rehab.
The last one which was in Thailand, that you left.
Yes, I was doing well. I swam every day, I ate, I was in nature. I missed it very little, but I gave it up. As I was saying: when you are almost clean, you think you just want to return to it, why this time it will be different. I was wrong. But the good thing is that two weeks ago I stopped injecting heroin. It's amazing how much more present I am when I am not injecting.
The paintings you did with the blood have to do with injecting?
Yes, I'm not going to do that again. Looking at them I think how much negative energy there is in those paintings, how much presumption: Drugs and the arts can live together, that's bullshit.
You have two children: Astile of 9 years with Lisa Moorish and Aisling, a girl a few months old with the South African model Lindi Hingston. Does being a father push you towards being less destructive?
Honestly, I can hardly say that I am a real father. A father is someone who lives with his children, sees them grow up, educates them. I see them a little, not as much as I would like and I should. Astile is a great kid, when we're together I touch and hug him a lot. I'm always afraid that he forgets me, that he does not love me, and instead he tell me he loves me, and that makes me happy and it's important to me. Do you have children?
Yes, two.
And lucky, Italian children love their mothers. I know because I know a mother from Brescia, a very special person to me.
How did you meet?
Francesca was my first love. I was 18 and I was not famous, she was studying in London. It was a beautiful story. We lost touch for years and then met not long ago. She has a son, but not a partner. We went out for a drink and the situation got dangerous. I told her: I will love you forever. And she said: me too. Sometimes I think I will take a train to Brescia.
A public declaration of love?
Yes, Francesca I love you, split(?) all (in italian, ed.)
You really want to settle down?
For someone like me "settling down" is the most extreme adventure of life, I would like to try it.
Do you still think of Kate Moss?
Sometimes, yes.
Do you think you still love her?
She's married, that is the answer.